by user 188.8.131.52
PRESS NEWSWIRE, Richmond, VA: Queen Elizabeth, addressing crowds in Richmond, Virginia, today apologized for the actions of her distant ancestor, King George. That English king's policies are thought to have caused large numbers of English persons to vacate their otherwise happy estates and move to the Colonies approximately 240 years ago.
"Great-great-grandfather George was a bit of a lout and 'e was worse when 'e'd 'ad a drink," said the Queen in her formal regional English. 'But 'e's long gone now and 'e won't be bothering you. Come on back home, it's warm in the house, we'll have some tea, and supper will be along in a bit. Come on home, will you, then?"
Reaction to the Queen's statement was mostly positive. However, a few felt it was too late or did not go far enough.
"I thought she really glossed over a lot of things," said Marvin M. Spencer of Springwater Township, Virginia. "Why didn't she say how King George used to abuse his power by closing down the pub to have his own private parties? Then by royal edict, he'd rename every pub he went to, 'The Red Lion.' That still irks me to this day. And don't get me started about the electrical systems in English cars."