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  • 100. Kirk is a leader, not a follower.
  • 099. Kirk never really got into that kinky "Jumpsuit" look.
  • 098. Kirk has sex more than once a season.
  • 097. One Word: Hair.
  • 096. Another Word: Pretty-good-looking-can't-see-the-weave-WIG.
  • 095. Kirk can beat up a Klingon bare-handed.
  • 094. Picard is a French man with an English accent.
  • 093. Kirk would date Beverly Crusher -- and damn the consequences!!
  • 092. Kirk never drinks tea. Ever.
  • 091. Diplomacy for Kirk is a phaser and a smirk.
  • 090. Kirk would personally throw Wesley off his bridge.
  • 089. Two words: Shoulder Roll.
  • 088. Kirk doesn't wear dresses when admirals arrive for lunch.
  • 087. Kirk once said: "I've got a belly-ache -- and it's a beauty."
  • 086. Kirk would never sing to children in a crisis.
  • 085. Kirk can almost drive a stick shift.
  • 084. Kirk, almost single-handedly, re-populated the Earth's whale population.
  • 083. Kirk says "Prime Directive? What Prime Directive?"
  • 082. Kirk knows 20th Century curses.
  • 081. Kirk was NEVER infiltrated by the Borg and used against the Federation.
  • 080. Kirk ate little coloured cubes and still remained relatively healthy.
  • 079. Kirk made do with obviously low performance technology.
  • 078. Kirk never pretends to be a barber in order to gain a tactical advantage.
  • 077. Kirk wasn't shy about taking his shirt off -- even around those pesky Yeomans.
  • 076. Kirk would never waste a holodeck on something stupid like Dixon Hill.
  • 075. Kirk never once stood up and had to straighten his shirt.
  • 074. One Word: Velour.
  • 073. Kirk can beat a Vulcan at Chess.
  • 072. When Kirk was Picard's age, he retired from Admiral and took to climbing rocks.
  • 071. When Picard was 37, he was only Captain of the lowly freighter, Stargazer. When Kirk was 37, he was Captain of the flagship Enterprise.
  • 070. Kirk liked a good belt of liquor every now and again.
  • 069. One Word: Iman.
  • 068. Kirk looks good with a ripped shirt.
  • 067. If Kirk ever met a Ferengi, he would rip off its head and shit down its neck.
  • 066. Kirk says "Shoot first and wait for retaliation."
  • 065. Kirk's first officer NEVER tells him to stay on the bridge.
  • 064. Kirk never leaves the room to bawl somebody out.
  • 063. Kirk doesn't rely on the wisdom of some dumb old janitor to get him out of intergalactic scrapes.
  • 062. Two Words: Funky Sideburns.
  • 061. Kirk never asks his bartender for advice.
  • 060. Kirk never once said "Abandon ship! All hands abandon ship!"
  • 059. Kirk is not politically correct.
  • 058. Kirk never got "dumped" by a woman for an intergalactic busy body named after a letter of the alphabet.
  • 057. Kirk never wore green tights and frolicked about in Sherwood Forest.
  • 056. If there was ever a Klingon on Kirk's bridge, Kirk would likely be dead.
  • 055. Ever hear of a bar shooter called "Make it so?" No? How about a "Beam me up Scotty" then? See the difference?
  • 054. One Word: Miniskirts.
  • 053. Kirk's girlfriends always look good in soft light.
  • 052. Kirk never went anywhere without a whole bunch of guys in red shirts.
  • 051. Kirk's first officer didn't play some wimpy instrument like the trombone.
  • 050. Kirk had more dates than his first officer.
  • 049. The extent of Kirk's knowledge of Klingon vocabulary can be roughly translated as "GO F*CK YOURSELF."
  • 048. If something doesn't speak English -- it's toast.
  • 047. Kirk wasn't some prissy archaeology fan.
  • 046. Picard's middle name isn't tough or awe-inspiring like Tiberius is.
  • 045. If Kirk finds a strange spinning probe, he blows it up.
  • 044. Picard never met Joan Collins.
  • 043. Picard flunked his entrance exams to Starfleet.
  • 042 Picard hasn't fathered any children; Kirk -- probably millions.
  • 041. Kirk has a cool phaser -- not some pansy Braun mix-master.
  • 040. Two Words: Line Delivery.
  • 039. Picard grew up on a quaint little French vineyard, squishing grapes with his toes, while Kirk slung bails of wheat and hay in Iowa to put himself through school.
  • 038. Kirk emphasizes his orations with pertinent hand gestures.
  • 037. Kirk once made a cannon out of bamboo, sulphur, potassium nitrate, charcoal and then fired diamonds into the hearts of his enemies. (Need we say more?)
  • 036. Kirk is not put off by green skin.
  • 035. Kirk knows how to deal with peace loving hippy goofs.
  • 034. Kirk once fought a Greek god. And won.
  • 033. Kirk barely asks for suggestions. And if he does, he asks Spock only.
  • 032. Kirk doesn't let the doctor tell him what to do.
  • 031. One Word: Fisticuffs.
  • 030. Kirk's name is hated throughout the galaxy.
  • 029. Kirk appreciates Shakespeare, but he doesn't let it show.
  • 028. You can never lock up Kirk for very long.
  • 027. Kirk's eulogies can actually make you cry.
  • 026. Kirk plays god with lesser cultures, and then exploits them for resources.
  • 025. Kirk's son would never drop out to become a musician.
  • 024. Kirk can climb up a Jeffries Tube and fix anything.
  • 023. Kirk never hired an engineer with punk glasses.
  • 022. The Klingons didn't have a word for surrender -- until they met Kirk.
  • 021. Kirk's bridge is not beige.
  • 020. Two Words: Crane Shots.
  • 019. Picard likes wimpy violin music -- and coerces Data into playing it.
  • 018. Picard allows cats on board, while Kirk beams away even really cute things, like Tribbles.
  • 017. Kirk is a cultural icon -- Picard is just some guy who's really nice.
  • 016. Kirk specifically ordered a swivel LA-Z-BOY for the bridge.
  • 015. Kirk would never touch SYNTHAHOL.
  • 014. Kirk looks distinguished in reading glasses -- and nobody dares to call him "four eyes."
  • 013. Kirk can infiltrate Gangsters, Nazis, and even the Pentagon -- easily.
  • 012. Picard likes painting nudes, for art's sake.
  • 011. When Kirk doesn't trust the Romulans, he fires at them. When Picard doesn't trust the Romulans, he gets fired at.
  • 010. Kirk never once, ever, wore a wiener wrapping Speedo banana hammock on shore leave.
  • 009. Kirk never gets his command codes locked out by some pimply acting ensign.
  • 008. Kirk doesn't test the engines -- he just fires them up.
  • 007. When Kirk says "Boldly Go," he MEANS it.
  • 006. Three Words: Flying Leg Kick
  • 005. Picard's crew would never ever think of him as a sexual object.
  • 004. Kirk traveled through The Great Barrier, met God, and wasn't even impressed.
  • 003. Kirk's bedroom is a passion pit with electric sheets.
  • 002. Kirk would never let his Chief of Security wear a ponytail.
  • 001. One Word: Balls.

Source: http://www.duke.edu/web/DRAGO/humor/trek/kirk-vs-picard.html

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